A Little Kid Humor

 Kids are taking over the world and I’m not talking about all the doctors, policemen, politicians, and attorneys who seem to be getting younger and younger every year. I’m talking about children. Real children.

More specifically, toddlers they could be your nieces and nephews, your grandchildren, your neighbor’s kids, or in some cases, even your own children.

  Sure, they seem innocent enough sitting there in their car seats or on the floor playing quietly with their toys but it’s all a ruse.

They have an agenda, they’re committed, and they’ve outsmarted us for years. Everything they do is to advance their plan to take over the world, and its time someone blew their cover. First, I’m not sure how they did it , but somehow these little kids have managed to take control of our television set. Instead of watching our favorite news programs or the History Channel, we find ourselves caving in to their desires and watching kids programs for hours on end with them. 

Granted we do get involved in their T.V. programs and sometimes even catch ourselves laughing out loud with the kids.

 I have to admit that I find myself watching “The Cat In The Hat” with out the kids.

I wonder, has anyone ever played these children’s shows theme songs backward to see if they’re sending subliminal messages to the adult world?  Messages like: “you will let me play ball in the house” “You will take me to Chuch E. Cheese’s”. “You will give me an advance on my inheritance.” “You’ll let me braid your hair in little braids and paint your toenails fluorescent pink.”

Phase two apparently happened while many of us middle-agers were taking naps. These innocent-looking children somehow convinced pharmaceutical companies of the need for our medicine bottles to come with childprood caps. Caps, I might add, that only children can open. Now on the surface, childproofing medicine bottle probably sounded like a great idea, and I do not doubt for a minute that the staff at the FDA had plenty of reputable facts to convince the agency to jump on board with the seemingly beneficial plan.

But the FDA wasn’t looking into the future to see where this action would take us as a society. ” I need my high blood  medication, Lucas,” Nana says. “Can you come over here and open this blasted thing open for me? ” Sure, Nana, as soon as you tell them the password to your safe deposit box.” These children are the same ones who also hide our glasses, car keys, wallets, and the remote control, and then merely giggle, clam up, or speak gibberish when we try to interrogate them about the missing items. “Where are my keys, Lucas?” “Algagoa.” Come on, Lucas, tell Nana where you put them.” “Dimofogu.” gibberish, gibberish, gibberish is all they will say.

Their resistance to these inquisitions would impress military experts worldwide. Both the FBI and CIA have tried to decipher their secret code, but it’s unbreakable. We’re headed for trouble, people. Just think about it who gets the power seat at the dinner table? The high chair? (see even the name sounds commanding.)  Who’s responsible for that incessant pounding on the metal trays the would make even the toughest grandparent shout out every password to every account they’ve ever owned? These toddlers, that’s who.

Remember the good ol’ days when children used to be at the mercy of adults when it came to their mobility? They either rode in a stroller or we carried them. That, too has changed. These days, kids have their own battery-operated cars to putt around in. They’re eighteen months old, and they’re already know how to drive. What’s worse, we’re probably the ones they persuaded to buy these vehicles for them.

Which brings me to their incredible business sense these youngsters are nothing short of financial geniuses. Think about it. They come to our homes selling candy for their schools and youth organizations, then they return on Halloween and take it all back! Has anyone done the math on this?

I’m telling you their hostile takeover has been planned right under our noses and we’ve been too blinded by their cuteness to see it. They’ve been holding high-level security meetings in play groups all over the world. Sure, it all looks like innocent play to us, but it isn’t. It’s their version of Camp David. Why do you think there is always a child who holds that ear-piercing, high-pitched scream? You think it’s a tantrum? I used to think that, too.

These toddlers have their own cell phones, computers, play houses, tents, and emergency vehicles. What do they need us big people for? They’ve got almost everything required to run the world on their own. Except they may need someone to change their diapers or find their pull ups.

The most amazing thing about this is how these little ones have managed to get us to run their publicity campaigns for them, and we’ve been doing it pro bono. “You want to see some pictures of the most beautiful grandchild on earth?”  “You think she’s beautiful, look at these pictures of my grandchildren.”

 All things considered maybe we’re just getting what we deserve after all these little ones have outsmarted us for years, manipulating us with their cute smiles and endearing hugs, while we’ve merely sat by and allowed it all to happen. But it’s not too late no matter how cute they are we cannot continue to roll over and let these kids take over. We can’t bury our heads and pretend we don’t know what they’re up to. It’s time we let them know once and for all whose is in charge here! It’s time we…

Sorry I had more to say but my grandson Jesse just gave me a hug and took off with my glasses and won’t give them back, so I can’t see the keys on my keyboard.  And so the conspiracy continues…


3 thoughts on “A Little Kid Humor

  1. Pingback: 5 Ways Grandparents Stay Sane When Grandchildren Drive Their Car-Daily Family Antics

  2. Terrific post. For years now I’ve been under the impression that my children were plotting against me. Now I see that the issue goes much deeper than that!

    Thank you for bringing our attention to this issue.

    Again, great post!

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