“Gettin’ Hitched The Country Way”

                                                                                                     

 Country folk paint their sentences in the most vivid and original analogies when it comes to what love is and isn’t. They sew simple words of emotion into quilts of truisms, and season their language with zesty wit and biting rage. There is always an element of truth in these beliefs from the nation’s backwoods and front porches,  reflecting a way of thinking that can touch us all in different ways. 

Those wonderful down-home folks of the farms, mountains, and ranges of America have had plenty to say about love, marriage, breakups, and heartache. If you’ve been smitten by Cupid, you’ll enjoy a few of these country love sayings they are as tender and sweet as honey-dipped chicken wings. You’ll see for yourself that when it comes to romance, the denizens of the hollows, hamlets, and hinterlands of America have their own charming, inventive ways of speaking from the heart.

But heaven help you if you cross them, because there’s another side to country talk that is a furious flurry of poison-tipped barbs aimed at cheaters, ner’er-do-wells, and cads who have broken lovers’ hearts.  If you’re suffering from heartache or you’re seeking revenge over a romance turned sour, you’ll find plenty of boonies-born saying that are as fiery and spicy as chile peppers dipped in homemade horseradish. The sayings have emerged from virtually every nook and cranny of America from lovey-dovey places like Romance, to Arkansas; Sweet lips, Tennessee;   Bridal Veil, Oregon; Matrimony, North Carolina; Valentine, Nebraska; Loving, Oklahoma; and Hearts Content, Pennsylvania. let’s not leave out a few auguished-sounding places like Bitter End, Tennessee; Screamerville, Virginia; Hell Hollow, New Hampshire; Bedlam, Connecticut; Loveless, Alabama; Heartease, Mississippi: Little Hope, Texas; and Farewell, Missouri.

Musins’ About Weddings

About the beautiful bride, you might say… Grace was in her steps, heaven in her eyes. About the happy groom, you might say… I’m plumb tickled to death to be walkin’ down the aisle of love. The sweet ceremony in describing what a loving and emotional wedding it was you might say… It’d bring a tear to a glass eye. The amazing ceremony, if you’re enjoying the best wedding you’re ever attended, you might say… I’ve been to three country fairs and a  hog butcherin’ but I ain’t never seen notin’  like this before. The happy newlyweds, as you happily walk together out of the church on your wedding day, you might say… I’ve got the world by the tail with a downhill pull. Wedding Sympathy, when seeing the groom walk into the church, you might say… Well, that’s the last real decision he’ll ever make.  

“OLD WIVES  TALES”   

Vows sweetly spoken won’t ever be broken. A lovely day, a lovely bride.  A weepin’ bride will be a laughin’ wife.  A laughin’ bride will be a weepin’ wife. Marry in May, rue the day. Marry  in white, always be right. Mary in blue, always be true.  Marry in brown, live in town.  Mary in black, don’t look back. Marry in green and never be seen. Marry in red, be loved for who you are.

” The Bride Made A Better Offer”

During the wedding rehearsal, John the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer: “I’ll give you one hundred bucks if you’ll change the weddin’ vows.” “What you get ot the part where I’m supposed to promise and love, honor, obey and be faithful to her forever, just leave that part out.”  The next day at the ceremony, when it came time for the groom’s vows. The preacher looked John in the eye and said, “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not even look at another woman for as long as you both shall live?”

Stunned speechless, John gulped and looked around as all eyes were on him. Feeling totally betrayed and too afraid to bolt from the altar, he squeaked out, “I will.” When the ceremony was over, the groom, whose shock had turned to anger, pulled the preacher aside and, through clenched teeth, hissed, I thought we had a deal. We did admitted the preacher as he returned the hundred dollars that John had bribed him with and whispered in John’s ear, the bride made me a better offer to change the vows.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 You don’t have to live in lovey-dovey places like Romance, Arkansas or Sweet Lips, Tennessee to enjoy some down home country jokes and stories that have captured the joy of spoonin’, courtin’, gettin’ hitched, and havin’ relations as well as sorrow and rage of gettin’ ditched and gettin’even ones. But you can enjoy romance and gettin hitched the country way no matter where you live in America.

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