“Two Special Women In One Man’s Life”

Since the beginning of time loving brides and grooms have had the privilege of picking out their life partners. However, it’s a different story for the groom’s mother when she becomes partners fused together with her daughter in law after the “I Do’s.”  Mother in-laws have shared that at first they find their new role was a daunting challenge especially if she wasn’t consulted or didn’t give her consent. But it’s a challenge that can be overcome the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is without question is like a complicated dance.

Yet, by the very nature of the relationship, the two are expected to immediately move freely and beautifully in synchronized harmony. Rarely is this connectedness and closeness realized overnight. He does, She does but what about you, the mother of the groom can you take her? The candles are lit, the room grows with a soft yellow hue, the groom, the pastor, and the wedding party are in place at the altar.  As all eyes eagerly watch the closed-door at the chapel’s entrance, suddenly the air is changed from the sweet stillness of anticipation to the first notes of the beautiful music chosen for the wedding processional. As the doors swing open, the bride’s heart races at the sound of the melodic cue to make that long-awaited, slow walk down the aisle of matrimony.

But as the song plays, the lovely bride does not realize that she is not the only lady in the room who has been cued by the music. Her mother-in-law to-be is also called to respond to the melody! While the young woman in white moves gracefully with the music toward her chosen one, the song calls the mother of the groom to graciously step to the side. In reality, the wedding processional is not just for the bride, it is also a cue for a lifelong dance to begin for two special women in one man’s life.

How true it is that so much changes for a family when the adult children fall in love and marry. Suddenly that are new members who, by decree of law and circumstance, are expected to be embraced and included into the fold. By all means, the challenge is a daunting one, especially for mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. The daughter-in-law who may have chosen to join with her husband in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his family. By the sheer nature of the relationship she is expected to melt into a household of family members that are often unfamiliar and at times very different from her family of origin.

The reality is that every holiday, every special occasion, even the continuance for the coming generations pivot on the choice to unite families through marriage. Whether the parents-in-law or the adult children realize it or not, the choices that are made are life-altering for the entire family. For most parents, the grace to love and enfold those new family members by law is a mere continuum of the parental love they enjoy with own kids. However, there are those situations that may require an attitude adjustment. What does a parent do when their child’s preference of a mate is contrary to their personality or taste?  Or what if the offspring ventures outside of their culture, social class, or religion? Is is possible to accept and even cherish the chosen one when they are an unnatural fit? And what about the daughter-in-law? What is she supposed to do when she’s thrust into a new family that may already established traditions, modes of interactions, and common activities that perhaps she doesn’t readily accept or enjoy? She, along with her mother-in-law, can find comfort in knowing that they are not the first to venture out on that sometimes slippery dance floor.

My friend Jane had always dreamed of the day when she would fully embrace a daughter-in-law with the same energy and vitality  with which she loved her own daughter. The two of them always had best of times, they could shop-till-they-dropped with the best of them. Their home was full of the two of them laughter and talking throughout the house when they were together. To Jane’s thinking, adding a daughter-in-law simply ment one more girl with whom to chum around. However Jane’s daughter-in-law was not like Jane’s daughter. She didn’t readily laugh a lot, and she seemed to always isolate herself from the rest of the family. For instance, when the other women were in the kitchen preparing the meal for a family gathering Jane’s daughter in law would sit all alone in the living room quietly leafing through a magazine.

I asked, Jane if she encouraged her to join them and her answer demonstrated the patient wisdom she possessed. Jane replied,  “No.”  As much as I would love for her to feel comfortable being with me and the rest of my  family, I’ve decided to give her space enough to choose whether she stays in the living room or comes into the kitchen. For too long, she’s had someone telling her what to do, and when she didn’t do it fast enough, she was punished. Jane didn’t want to be another person demanding to have their way.

Jane went on to say, I love her and I believe in time she will feel that love. Until then, I will continue to be patient and understanding. “She’s a wonderful wife to my son and that’s all she owes me.” My friend Jane might have selected a different life-partner  for her son when Jane found out that her son was marrying a woman who had a bad life and had been previously married to a man who beat her and her child but instead she decided to love, respect and except her daughter in law the results were amazing.

 Jane learned valuable lessons over the past few years as she has invested into her daughter-in-law. The two women have since grown amazingly close and continue to do so. Jane’s  understanding and kindness has been instrumental in healing hurts of a lovely young women. Jane did it right, and she has reaped the joyous benefits of her choices.  As you establish a rhythm of love and grace, you’ll find that you and your daughter-in-law/ mother-in-law can dance a loving and joyful dance too!

“Gettin’ Hitched The Country Way”

                                                                                                     

 Country folk paint their sentences in the most vivid and original analogies when it comes to what love is and isn’t. They sew simple words of emotion into quilts of truisms, and season their language with zesty wit and biting rage. There is always an element of truth in these beliefs from the nation’s backwoods and front porches,  reflecting a way of thinking that can touch us all in different ways. 

Those wonderful down-home folks of the farms, mountains, and ranges of America have had plenty to say about love, marriage, breakups, and heartache. If you’ve been smitten by Cupid, you’ll enjoy a few of these country love sayings they are as tender and sweet as honey-dipped chicken wings. You’ll see for yourself that when it comes to romance, the denizens of the hollows, hamlets, and hinterlands of America have their own charming, inventive ways of speaking from the heart.

But heaven help you if you cross them, because there’s another side to country talk that is a furious flurry of poison-tipped barbs aimed at cheaters, ner’er-do-wells, and cads who have broken lovers’ hearts.  If you’re suffering from heartache or you’re seeking revenge over a romance turned sour, you’ll find plenty of boonies-born saying that are as fiery and spicy as chile peppers dipped in homemade horseradish. The sayings have emerged from virtually every nook and cranny of America from lovey-dovey places like Romance, to Arkansas; Sweet lips, Tennessee;   Bridal Veil, Oregon; Matrimony, North Carolina; Valentine, Nebraska; Loving, Oklahoma; and Hearts Content, Pennsylvania. let’s not leave out a few auguished-sounding places like Bitter End, Tennessee; Screamerville, Virginia; Hell Hollow, New Hampshire; Bedlam, Connecticut; Loveless, Alabama; Heartease, Mississippi: Little Hope, Texas; and Farewell, Missouri.

Musins’ About Weddings

About the beautiful bride, you might say… Grace was in her steps, heaven in her eyes. About the happy groom, you might say… I’m plumb tickled to death to be walkin’ down the aisle of love. The sweet ceremony in describing what a loving and emotional wedding it was you might say… It’d bring a tear to a glass eye. The amazing ceremony, if you’re enjoying the best wedding you’re ever attended, you might say… I’ve been to three country fairs and a  hog butcherin’ but I ain’t never seen notin’  like this before. The happy newlyweds, as you happily walk together out of the church on your wedding day, you might say… I’ve got the world by the tail with a downhill pull. Wedding Sympathy, when seeing the groom walk into the church, you might say… Well, that’s the last real decision he’ll ever make.  

“OLD WIVES  TALES”   

Vows sweetly spoken won’t ever be broken. A lovely day, a lovely bride.  A weepin’ bride will be a laughin’ wife.  A laughin’ bride will be a weepin’ wife. Marry in May, rue the day. Marry  in white, always be right. Mary in blue, always be true.  Marry in brown, live in town.  Mary in black, don’t look back. Marry in green and never be seen. Marry in red, be loved for who you are.

” The Bride Made A Better Offer”

During the wedding rehearsal, John the groom approached the preacher with an unusual offer: “I’ll give you one hundred bucks if you’ll change the weddin’ vows.” “What you get ot the part where I’m supposed to promise and love, honor, obey and be faithful to her forever, just leave that part out.”  The next day at the ceremony, when it came time for the groom’s vows. The preacher looked John in the eye and said, “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not even look at another woman for as long as you both shall live?”

Stunned speechless, John gulped and looked around as all eyes were on him. Feeling totally betrayed and too afraid to bolt from the altar, he squeaked out, “I will.” When the ceremony was over, the groom, whose shock had turned to anger, pulled the preacher aside and, through clenched teeth, hissed, I thought we had a deal. We did admitted the preacher as he returned the hundred dollars that John had bribed him with and whispered in John’s ear, the bride made me a better offer to change the vows.                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 You don’t have to live in lovey-dovey places like Romance, Arkansas or Sweet Lips, Tennessee to enjoy some down home country jokes and stories that have captured the joy of spoonin’, courtin’, gettin’ hitched, and havin’ relations as well as sorrow and rage of gettin’ ditched and gettin’even ones. But you can enjoy romance and gettin hitched the country way no matter where you live in America.

A Few Tips For Brides

By the time the first note of the bridal march is played, thousands of decisions have been made, for better or for worse. Knowing what to do and what not to do can help you to avoid missteps so you can make the most of your perfect day. There are many details involved in making your wedding a success, and careful attention should be paid to all of them, big and small.  Begin by getting an overview of all tasks ahead of you.

Here are a few reminders of what to do and what not to do while on your jounery to the altar.

What Not to Do?

  1.  Do not try to please others by doing your wedding as they suggest. It’s your wedding. Do it your way.
  2. Do not make major decisions with consulting your fiance’ (e).
  3. Do not discuss the details of your budget with other people. Unless they are helping to finance the event, the details are not their concern.
  4. Do not expect service providers to work for unreasonably low prices. Get the best deals you can, but be willing to pay appropriately for people’s time and efforts.
  5. Do not forget that everything will go perfectly. There are bound to be glitches, but you can deal with them.
  6. Do not make spur-of-the moment decisions about anything. Take time to consider everything carefully.
  7. Do not be rigid with your plans. Try to be flexible when possible.
  8. Do not spend so much on the wedding that you enter your new marriage heavily in debt.
  9. Do not make unreasonable demands of all the people helping you make your plans.
  10. Do not use your wedding as a time to highlight and perpetuate family differences.
  11. Do not allow differences of opinion about wedding details to come between you and your fiance’.
  12. Do not neglect your relationship with your fiance’ as you get caught up in planning the wedding.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           What to Do?

  1. Leave enough time to handle all the unexpected details.
  2. Start at the beginning by getting a game plan.
  3. Don’t forget one of the most important things to do, “seek out pre marriage counseling” with a professional that you and your fiance’ trust and rremember that the marriage is the most important thing, not the wedding.
  4. The wedding party is an important feature of the wedding begin to think about who should be part of this select group.
  5. Take advantage of a professional wedding planner if possible. It will take some of the burden off your shoulders, and will leave you time to deal with other details that only you can handle.
  6. Ask professionals who will be helping you how much time they will need to get everything done properly.
  7. Select a date for your wedding that is not already notable for something else.
  8. Choose attendants and other member of the wedding party with care. They will part of your memories of your special day, and will be a part of the photos that you will cherish.
  9. Try to choose outfits that your attendants really can wear latter.
  10. Get details in writing.There is nothing worse than thinking you are getting a particular product or service in one way, and finding out that you are incorrect. Keep receipts for everything you pay in connection to the wedding.
  11. Select some method of keeping all your details organized there are many free wedding web sites that are designed to help you and your wedding party stay organized. Weddingwire.com is an excellent. Many brides still use index cards, and some find a loose leaf notebook system helpful.
  12. List all wedding tasks to be done and assign a due date for each. This will be helpful when meeting with suppliers of goods and services. 
  13. Find out deadlines by which you will have to have particular decisions made and abide by them. Remember they are intended to help you.
  14. Get a master calendar where all activities, plans, and deadlines will be recorded.
  15. Begin to think about what type of service you would like, wha traditions you would like to honor, and what religious elements you would like to include.
  16. Have a back up plan if your wedding is planned for outdoors.
  17. As you begin to think  of whom you will invite, keep a list of extras  that out-of-town guest will need, such as a ride to the rehearsal dinner.
  18. Enlist help ahead of time to help accommodate special needs of guests.
  19. Be ready to bear the cost of extras that you ask your attendants to have, such as professionally applied make-up or perfect manicure.
  20. Check well ahead of the wedding for marriage license requirements.
  21. What to wear?  You can ease the process of dressing everyone appropriately for the ceremony by knowing what your wedding vision is before you even start.
  22. Plan to show your appreciation to members of the wedding party with a gift to help commemorate the occasion.
  23.  Remember you are blending your families,so make sure you remain respectful of your fiance’s suggestions he knows them better than you do.
  24. Send thank-you notes promptly so you do not feel overwhelmed by the task.
  25. Take time to enjoy the journey to the altar. Relax and savor the process.
  26. Begin to develop a budget for your wedding expenses.
  27. Include in the budget honorarium for the minster, musicians, and others who help the ceremony but who are not attendants.
  28. Decide up front who will pay for what.There are traditional guidelines about this, though in recent years they have become more casual they are still an important facet of planning a wedding. 
  29. Consider setting up a wedding gift registry, it helps to take the guess-work out for those who are buying you and your fiance’ gifts.
  30. Remember to tie up the loose ends and finishing with finesse because you are creating a day you will cherish for a lifetime.