What’s the color of your love? Is it flaming hot red or is sad blue? Even flaming hot red Love “Wilts” without smiles, it drops under the weight of tears. It grows pale when it’s kept indoors. Storms of anger can melt away as quickly as they boil up. Feelings of sadness or anguish can be longer lasting. And injured heart can do as much damage to emotions as ethereal as love, as an outraged spleen can do to all your emotions.
If you’re drowning under waves of blue, you must learn how to swim for shore.Depression puts your whole life in shadows and prevents you from letting your love shine through to the people you want the most to see it. It’s okay to feel sad once in a while. It’s part of the human condition. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the onset of a physical illness, even the loss of a valued object can make you cry and feel miserable for a time.
But eventually you do get over these blue moments. When nothing sets off your sadness and instead it’s a constant shadow, then it gets another name :depression. If you can’t shake off the blues by yourself, seek professional help. Remember, it’s not just your life that is miserable, your constant flow of river of tears could also be drowning you relationship. And if your partner is the one who’s always down, don’t just allow yourselves to drift apart because of it. If he or she can’t get help, then do whatever it takes to make certain they get the help they need.Do it for them, because you love them, but also do it for the two of you.
Tip: While anger boils up quickly, makes itself noticed, and then evaporates, depression sneaks in on little feet and makes itself comfort and won’t leave. Because of its quiet nature, it’s easy to overlook. If you or your loved one, are acting differently, especially if you’re sleeping a lot more than usual, then don’t hesitate to go to a doctor. It’s better to call in a false alarm than to let depression do even more damage because it’s ignored.
Having the courage to say “No” means that you trust yourself and your relationship. It means that you believe your bond has the strength and resilience to absorb your “No” as well as the power to grow in moral fortitude.
In saying “No” you exercise the faith that the two of you, together, can live by the values represented by your “No”; recognizing that these values will take you to a level higher than the one embodied by the things that you are choosing to resist.
Important “No’s” can be small and simple, an unadorned statement of preference that’s a quiet affirmation of your right to be yourself: “No”, I don’t want to go to the late show; I’ll be to tried for work in the morning.” No”, I don’t want dessert. “No”, I don’t want to go to the party.”
Saying “No” requires that you actually take a stand: “No”, I don’t want to buy a . . . We’re already too much in debt, or sometime you might have to make life and death decision that requires a hard “No”.
“No”, I wouldn’t give up pursuing my degree or my career to spend Tuesday nights with you but I am available all day Saturdays to be with you. You can end up loosing your integrity and become resentful. A “No” is a choice for the good and truth in the relationship.
It’s for the power and the possibilities of the relationship itself. Have the courage to say “No” as you go through life and remember sometimes the greatest perils come tiptoeing in sight unseen, and one of the most lethal of these sneaky assassins is saying “Yes” when you really mean “No”.
Couples who do things together are couples who have good relationships. If they’re schussing down the slopes or batting tennis balls across a net or scouring the countryside for antiques or cooking up a storm in the kitchen or spending a leisurely day at home together or building a house for Habitat for Humanity or singing in a choir or running a business together. . . then you can be almost certain that their love is strong.
It’s not that you must spend every minute of your lives in each other’s company to have a good relationship. Every individual needs some space, but the more you bathe in each other’s aura, the stronger the ties that bind will be.
Just because you’re drawing breath in the same room doesn’t mean that you’re together. Passive time, like sleeping in the same bed, watching the same glowing TV all night, reading different sections of the same newspaper, or taking on the phone to other people, doesn’t build a relationship. To brew a strong relationship, you must mix both the quantity and the quality of the time you spend together.
When choosing activities to do together you are planning for the long haul. There will come a time when your children have left the nest and you’ll want to be able to fill the time with activities you both enjoy.
When you fight leave the kitchen sink in the kitchen. What that means is don’t just gratuitously throw in things that don’t belong in the current fight. Such as every complaint you’ve ever had since the history of time began something corroded and calcified from ten years ago, or the meanest below-the belt thing that you can possibly think of saying.
Kitchen-sink behavior isn’t profitable. It doesn’t do anything except fan the flames of contention and open an abyss of panic and pain for you partner. Once you’ve gotten the satisfaction of watching the kitchen sink fly by and crash into a wall, you may have a hard time cleaning up afterwards.
So no matter what you’re so furious about try to resist the temptation to let it all out or to let the devil take the hindmost. It’s important to stop and think before you let the other person have it. You might want to stop and ask yourself these questions.
Do I really need to say this? This is, does this horrible, angry, vituperative, and character-blasting thing really need to be said? Will it improve the immediate situation? Is there anything useful to be gained from saying extreme statements? Such as your sex life is awful now and it has been for the past ten years? Will this or similar remarks speed up the other person’s growth and maturity or your own, or is saying it just the indulgence of revved-up emotions that want release?
Do I really need to say that now? The diatribe you wants to indulge in some very valuable points that really need to be expressed stop and think is this the time to make them? Will you set off a furor or engender a useful response?
Before you fire your verbal machine gun it’s important to investigate the maturity of your emotions output. Just because you feel like saying something doesn’t mean it has to be said in the way or exactly the moment that you feel like saying it. Remember your relationship will last rather than erode or be destroyed it’s all in the words that you speak it’s up to you.
Is the human heart the only source of its own healing?
Is the human conscience the only voice that whispers to us, when we are feeling bitterness and estrangement?
Have you ever experienced an emptiness that happens when someone you loved and needed died?
Did it seem like from somewhere, something came to fill your emptiness and mend you where you were broken?
Was it only time that mended your broken heart? Was it the resurging busyness of life that filled your emptiness and mended your heart or was it your faith in something other than yourself?
Is it the human heart the only source of its own healing? Is it only the unpredictable fluctuations of the human spirit that we have to thank? Can you think of a time when a strength and wisdom beyond your own kept you feeling hopeful? Despite your own withered heart.
To remember the past is to see that we are here today by grace, that we have survived as a gift. And what does that mean about the future? What do we have to hope for? Humanly speaking, we have only the human best to hope for: that we will live out our days in something like peace with the ones we love; that our best dreams might come true.
To have faith is to remember and wait, and to wait in hope, is to have what we hope for has already began to come true in us through our hoping. Every once in a while, life can be very eloquent. You go along from day-to-day not noticing very much, not seeing or hearing very much. And then all of sudden, when you least expect it, something speaks to you with such power that it catches you off guard, makes you listen to it, if you want to or not. It seems to know you and wants to mend your wounds. It seems to know that what you are doing isn’t working for you. What is that voice? I wonder…