“The Perfect Boyfriend”

Top Hat and Over Coat Are you referred to as the woman who is “Shopping”?  Meaning looking for the ” perfect boyfriend”.  Are you working every angle you can to find him?  Here’s a little hint . . .  women who are known to be interesting and  perusing their own personal  goals are more appealing to men than the woman who is in hot pursuit. While you are waiting for Mr. Wonderful, you might enjoy playing this little game listed below.

To create your perfect boyfriend fill in the blanks on this page with the words called for. Then using the words you have selected, fill in the blank spaces to the story. Have fun creating your own hilarious lines and lighten up a little!

Create Your Perfect Boyfriend . . .

Noun____________

Noun____________

Number__________ 

Noun____________

Adjective__________

Adjective__________

Plural Noun__________

Verb Ending in “ing”__________

Plural Noun___________

Adjective_________

Noun___________

Noun___________

Celebrity  (Male) ____________

Verb Ending In “ing”__________

Now that you have selected your own words read the story below and fill in the blanks with the words you already selected above. Have fun!

Let’s imagine the perfect boyfriend. He would wake up every morning with a cheery_________. He would call you and send flowers _______times a day. He would rub your weary______after a/an_______day at the ____office. He would help you shop for ________without________  one bit. He would charm all of your girlfriends with his __________personality. He would never click over to a pro _________game while your watching your favorite chick flick called_________. And he wouldn’t be at all jealous of your obsession with________. Ladies, he is out there just________ for you!

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Escaping Memories…

 There is no escaping the memories of our life even if we want to or at least no escaping them for long, even the times when we don’t want to remember. In one sense the past is dead and gone, never to be repeated, over and done with, but in another sense, it is of course not done with at all or at least not done with us.

 Every person we have ever known, every place we have ever seen, everything that has ever happened to us somewhere whether, we like it or not the memories are there waiting for us.

 Sometimes it doesn’t take much to bring them back to the surface in bits and pieces. The words in a song that was popular years ago. A book we read as a child. A stretch of road we use to travel. An old photograph, an old letter, an old hallmark card. And don’t forget the good, bad, and ugly ones that come rushing back like an uninvited guest who just won’t leave.

There is no telling what trivial thing may do it, and then suddenly there it all is something that happened to us once. And it is not just as a picture on the wall to stand back and gaze at but as a reality, we are so much a part of still. Sometimes we feel a memory with the feelings something close to the original intensity and freshness of it. 

 Remember what it felt like to fall in love for the first time? It doesn’t matter how many years ago it was the memories come rushing back and our senses come alive again. We smell the smells, hear the sounds of laughter, we feel the love and feel the tears that ran down our checks when we remember how that love ended so many years ago. Times too beautiful to forget and too terrible to remember. 

 Memories come at us helter-skelter and unbidden, sometimes so thick and fast that they are more than we can handle in their poignant, sometimes so sparsely that we all but cry out to remember more.  Sometimes a dream seems to say more than that, to speak of a different kind of memory and to speak of remembering in a different kind of way. The kind of memories I have been naming are memories that come and go more or less on their own and apart from any choice of our own. Things remind us, and the power is in the things’, not our power. On the other hand we can gain power over our memories and how they affect us.

 We are all such escape artists you and I we don’t like to get too serious about things, especially about ourselves. When we are with other people, we are apt to talk about almost anything under the sun except for our own lives, except for what is going on in our own skins. We pass the time of day with endless chat, chat, chat, (emailing, texting, and, messaging).

We hold people at bay, keep our distance from them even when we know it’s not what we want. And it’s the same thing when we are alone. Let’s say it’s late evening and everybody else has gone away or gone to bed. The time is ripe for looking back over the day, the week, the year, and trying to figure out where you have come from and where you are going to, for sifting through the things you have done and the things you have left undone for a clue to who you are for better or worse. 

We turn on the television and check our emails or read a book.  We find some chore to do that could easily wait for the next day. We cling to the present out of wariness of the past. We cling to the surface out of fear of what lies beneath the surface. You may be thinking, ” Nobody know the trouble I’ve seen,” and of course nobody knows the trouble you’ve had. Nobody knows the hurt, the sadness, the bad mistakes, the crippling losses but you.

Don’t forget the happiness you’ve seen too. The precious times, the precious people, the moments in your life when you were better than you knew how to be. Nobody knows that either, but you do.  We are to remember it. And then, if your dream was really a true dream, you will find it,  beyond any feelings of joy or regret that one by one the memories give rise to, a profound and undergirding peace, a sense that is some unfathomable way all is well.

 You have survived and maybe that is at the heart of your remembering after twenty years, forty years, sixty years or eighty, you have made it to this year, this day. Each of us must speak for ourselves, you may have seen so much sorrow and enough pain to turn your heart to stone. Who hasn’t?  Many people can tell you that they have chosen the wrong road, or the right road for the wrong reason.

You may have loved the people in your life too much for either their good or yours. You might have loved with the devices and desires of your own heart, as the old prayer goes, yet often when your heart called out to be brave, to be kind, to be honest, to be loving, to be generous, you may have not followed this prayer and lost at love.

To remember your life is to remember countless times when you might have given up, gone under, when humanly speaking you might have gotten lost beyond the power to find you but you didn’t. You haven’t given up and with all the memories you have and the tales you could tell, you are a survivor and are here. And what does that tell us, about surviving? It tells us that weak as we are, a strength beyond our strength has pulled us through at least this far, at least to this day.

Foolish as we are, a wisdom beyond our wisdom has flickered up just often enough to shed its light and show us the right path through the forest, at least to path that leads forward, that is bearable. Faint of heart as you can be, a love beyond your own power has kept your heart alive. Is there away to escape memories? I wonder…

Finding Peace In Relationships

In the tit-for-tat world of our psychological dramas, we tend to make life adversarial. We take sides. We look at intentions and effects such as she was late just so I’d feel bad; he said that just to hurt me. We seek redress for our insults and wounds; we keep score (you were late more often than I was; you flirted more than I did; you hurt me more than I hurt you; your meaner than I am; well, anyway, you were meaner more times.

It’s as if in trying to find peace in relationships, he thinks, she thinks, keeping score will win the day. Keeping score is like a trash can for misplaced emotions. If he or she looks at you as an enemy they’ll  show you all your crimes, and prove that you’re guilty, thinking they deserve you to make up for it by loving them more because you’ll feel so badly about how you’ve behaved.

 Enemy, crimes, proof of guilt, make up and love them more. This sounds more like the beginnings of a murder mystery and not a loving relationship. Doesn’t it? Unfortunately ( and fortunately, he or she isn’t a corporation that can be sued (and required to make recompense) like a faulty product. People don’t “pay up” in love because they’re shamed or proven guilty. In fact, the stronger inclination is to get away from the heat and head for the hills. Justice doesn’t always prevail. People who keep score and get pay back are like murderers of love. Aren’t they? Taking an adversarial position will only make an adversary of your mate; and adversaries make war, not love.

That’s why, when conflict arises we need to look for common ground. In the midst of the fray, when we seek the kernel of truth that can bridge us to understanding, we can find our way back to union. We all have a dark side; we’ve all hurt one another more than we’d like to admit. But even our misdeeds merit an attempt at understanding, because the truth is that even dastardly acts are born in pain. That doesn’t excuse them, of course, but it’s important to remember that even the difficult, hard, hurtful things we do to each other spring from the woundedness within us.

When I can comprehend your suffering (and, therefore, the crooked behavior you perpetrated on me) and you can comprehend my pain (and, therefore, my wrongdoing to you), we can stand face to face in compassion, unravel the missteps we’ve made, and together start over from a different place.

So if, in your heart of hearts, you seek union, pleasure, companionship, support, and nourishment from your partner, don’t make an adversary out of him or her. Even in the hairiest fray, try curiosity and kindness. “Why were you late?” “Why were you so short with me?” Try it you may find out something surprising. ( I got back a frightening mammogram today”; “The guy right next to you in the gym keeled over and died”), something which instead of turning your partner into the enemy, fill your heart with compassion. Our relationships become sweeter, deeper and more gracious when we are loving and compassionate with our partners.

When Hearts Are Like A Deck Of Cards

 Kenny Rogers, performs a song called The Gambler  and the lyrics can be used as a metaphor for life. The song is full of words of discernment and choices, the message is universal.

Whether you have a pair or a full house, our job is to learn to live with cards we are dealt. Our world would do well to emulate Kenny Rogers’ wisdom. We collect many cards and if you check closely surely there are some winners in there somewhere. It’s not too late to reshuffle the deck or is it?  Somehow we must find a way to discard the unused cards and deal with the cards we are dealt.

In the song Kenny Rogers explains to us in order to play the game you got to know when to let go, when to hold them and when to fold ’em that doesn’t just apply to playing cards it applies to many different situations in life doesn’t it?

You got to know when to let go. You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, Know when to walk away, know when to run.  You never count your money when you’re sittin’ at the table. There’ll be time enough for countin’, when the dealin’s done. Every gambler knows the secret to survivin,’ is knowin’ what to throw away, knowin’ what to keep. Cause every hand’s a winner, and every hand’s a loser.

Pulling out an Ace at the proper time makes us all winners. We have to learn when to hold ’em, when to deal ’em, when to fold, and when to go for a full house.

 Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could just hit a reshuffle button called the deck of life? What if every time we ran from a dream, relationship, or an unwanted issue in life you could hit a reshuffle button? What if like magic the cards would fall the way we wanted them to? Wouldn’t it be awesome if we knew the secret to surviving? Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was reshuffle button?

We do have a reshuffle button it’s in the belief of yourself it allows you to follow your heart and your dreams. You like everyone else will make mistakes but as long as you are true to the strength within your own heart you can never go wrong. In some ways our hearts are like a deck of cards and every once in a while it needs to be reshuffled.