There Will Be No Lifetime Exactly Like This One

Which WayThere will be no love, no sweetheart, exactly like this one the man who pronounces your name in just such a way, with his beautiful voice, the man who brings flowers, whose words move your heart so tremblingly softly, whose arms holds you this way and they way, embracing, consoling, protecting: the woman whose fragrance enchants you, whose head on your chest when you sleep is the sweet weight of bliss, whose kisses are blessings, whose laughter is sunlight, whose smile is pure grace.

There will be no lifetime exactly like this one, no other, not ever again, not this birth, not this particular story, this mother and father, these houses and walls, these strangers and friends . Oh! And how you are moved by it all, with such beauty, touching each other, dancing, stepping, curtsying, bowing across all the stages, filling the rooms of your lives with this joy,  this sweet love. There will be no other way to live this life, only the way you have chosen to live it and with whom moment to moment. This moment , this day, this relationship, this life, are all unique, exquisite, unrepeatable. Like every  moment as if you, indelibly, knew this.

Giving Help Is A Sign Of Love

Woman In WhiteIt can be difficult to ask for help because you don’t want to appear weak or stupid. You don’t want to be turned down or put down. You don’t want to be yelled at or ignored. You don’t want to lose face or have a face made at you. Again. But once you cry out for assistance and that helping hand is next to yours, it’s such a relief and it makes you wonder why you waited so long to ask.

There is no better feeling than to be told help is on the way especially if it comes with two strong hands, a wealth of expertise, a blanket of caring, and a smile. You, see giving help is a sign of love. The person who comes to your aid is living proof that your lives are shared and that you each want to be there for the other with your time, your energy, and your knowledge.

So look at a cry for help as an opportunity to prove the strength of your love to each other. And never be afraid to ask for help . . . not from the one you love and who loves you. If you never ask for anyone’s help, when you do for the first time, you may get a strange reaction. The person you’re asking might not believe you at first. Don’t take their attitude as rejection; it’s just surprise.

To trust means that we start from the position of believing that our sweetheart is motivated by a deep concern for us , that he or she, in spite of occasional missteps or mistakes, truly has our well-being in mind. When we trust, we believe that the other loves us deeply and intends to love us well and long.

Trust images the best; trust expects the happiest possible outcome. Trust serves with joy in the expectation that trust will be returned. Trust develops trust. Acknowledging that the person you love with your heart, your body, your talents, your fears, your children, your worldly goods invites him or her to become even more worthy of that trust. Thus, the more you trust, the safer you become and the more you can love and ask for help. If you have be betrayed this is no easy task. Is it?

“Sometimes Reclaiming Your Life Means Giving Up The Fariy Tale”

Couple in conflictHave you ever felt that you walked the path of your life alone? That you were the only woman who has ever made a painful, stupid mistake? That you settled for less than you deserved?  Did you desperately desire love above all else? Did you yearn for a real partner so much it hurt: Have you ever thought “Why is every woman but me in a great relationship?  “Why can’t I be that happy?” Or found yourself rejected by the person you loved and it left you feeling that something was wrong with you?

When a devastating breakdown of a relationship ends it can feel like a wild boar‘s tusk ripping through your heart. You can become convinced that you are the only woman who has ever made a complete mess of your life. You feel alone, rejected, and furious that you had deceived yourself for so long. That you had given up on “yourself” to keep the love of another for years, only to be left with a heart torn to shreds.

What women learn shortly after the initial blow of their relationship’s end is that, they failed to understand above all else, is that they needed to honor the most important relationship of all “the one with themselves.” The ending of a relationship becomes the beginning of a journey for women  to learn many things about themselves and how to love and honor themselves.

The journey of being a woman can seem crazy and confusing but for better or worse, women have many of the same stories, heartbreak, obstacles, and expectations. The good news is that women don’t have to remain captive to the limiting beliefs swirling in their psyches and in society, which keeps them far from their dreams. We always have a choice. Along life’s path, we all have the opportunity to gain wisdom from our mistakes, the self-awareness that comes from healing our wounds, and clarity by claiming our needs.

If we are lucky enough to wake up to the immense power that is available to heal our hearts and teach us how to love ourselves, we have a responsibility to share our stories and insights with others. Otherwise, the true power of our realizations will be lost. Sharing allows us to see ourselves in the words of others, gain witnesses to our personal journey, and broaden the possibilities that lie before us.

I, too relied on the wisdom and support of many women, some of them total strangers, to progress through my journey to wholeness.  By watching others and listening, I learned that to fully and wholeheartedly love another I first needed to fully and wholeheartedly embrace ” myself.” This realization is a major source of inspiration in my decision to share my knowledge and experiences with  other women. Women need to share the wisdom gained on their personal path as they went from being a person they thought they had to be to be loved to being the one they actually are.

In them I gained wisdom while on my personal path as I went from being  a person I thought I knew and loved to being one I actually do know and love. We shared our stories about living ordinary lives, raising children, creating a safe home life, the ups and downs of stay at home moms to the working moms. Some of us were married and some single. We talked about many issues like paying bills, being young, and getting older and the list goes on and on and lets not forget divorce as well. We also talked about trying to find sources of love and happiness but often looking in the wrong places. When we stopped and took a careful look at the life we had created and honesty answered this question “Am I honoring the most important relationship in my life first?  The one with my self and God.

We discovered reclaiming our lives meant giving up the fairy tale that we had created about ourselves and instead finding out what reality was. The new path may did not seem clear at the beginning to us  and we felt like we were fumbling in the dark grabbing for something to hold to, then one of my dear friends said, remember this is a normal feeling and keep moving forward and don’t go back. During this time we discovered within ourselves the spirit of survivor and a deeper faith we never knew existed.

 We also learned that loving ourselves is knowing ourselves, enjoying and valuing the women that we are, and understanding that getting to know ourselves and God  is a lifelong personal enterprise. It meant that we needed to  appreciate ourselves as much as we appreciate the ones we love. Loving ourselves is recognizing our gifts and talents and then putting them to good use, acknowledging our flaws and forgiving ourselves for them. We learned that loving ourselves was reaching for more, it was reaching for the best, in ourselves. We discovered that our hearts can only hold as much love as we believe it can. So often women put up with shabby treatment in love because they don’t believe they deserve better or they are still stuck in fairy tale thinking.  So treat yourself better, believe you deserve to be treated well, and you will get treated even more wonderfully in love than any fairy tale woman has ever been. 

Carol. M.

The Mother In Law Relationship Is Complicated

The conflicts between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws is still going on it has raged throughout all of history. Nearly 2000 B.C. Rebekah complained to her husband, Isaac, that her daughters-in-law were making her life so miserable that she would rather not even be alive. Read Genesis 27:46).

Today, some 4,000 years later, women are still complaining to their husbands about these women! Mother-in-laws are still wondering why out of all the human relationships, the one between them and their daughter-in-laws is the most complicated? Second only to step relationships of course.

There is a built-in-conflict before the relationship even begins: two radically different views of the same man. The daughter in law will see him first as a man; while the mother in law will always see him first as her child.The mother in law comes into the relationship lugging a suitcase bulging with memories. From the sweetness of babyhood through the tyranny of the teen years into adulthood, these memories have indelibly imprinted her heart. She enters into this life phase acutely aware of a door closing in her life as a mother.

The daughter in law comes waltzing in with a suite case empty of everything but confidence and anticipation. She’s eager to swing open the new door and march in and there lies the basis for struggle. Both the mother in law and the daughter in law are naturally territorial when it comes to their family. Standing in the middle of  these two overlapping territories is a man who is the son of one and husband to the other. It’s in everyone’s interest for the son to step out of the overlapping territory and fully into his wife’s territory and the sooner he does this the better.

The parental relationship is secondary to the spousal relationship, yet the bond between a mother and her child is visceral. The phase “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” refers to husband and wife, yet there is little doubt a mother holding her child in her arms feels more “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh” toward her child than she does toward her husband. Again, the basis for conflict between a man’s mother and his wife.

This motherly feeling of “bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh” had been the source of much marital conflict: a mother consciously or unconsciously placing her child before her husband, magnifying her connection to their child. Even the court system typically give more value to the mother-child relationship.

The undeniable connection can easily cause a mother to overstep her territory and interfere with the process of her adult son transferring thus-far primary relationship, the one he has with her  to the one needs to form with his wife. If you are a mother of a son, you fully understand this tendency, because there is a powerful bond between mother and son. A man’s first significant relationship is with his mother. That bond, forged at birth, leaves a permanent imprint on both mother and son. Even if the relationship is broken, it continues to significantly impact both lives. This powerful attachment between mother and son needs to be and must be reassigned when the son introduces another woman into the picture.

Here is a scenario to consider “Suppose your son, yourself and your daughter in law were in a boat together. If the boat capsized and you and your daughter in law were both drowning, who should he save?  You might be saying to yourself, ” A man can always get another wife, but he has only one mother.”  or a daughter in law might be thinking to herself,” well his mother is old any way.” Now, now is that anyway to be thinking?

As a mother you should want your son to have a strong and healthy relationship with his wife. A mother who wants to maintain a close relationship with her son, who truly has his best interests in mind, must willingly step back and fully acknowledge and respect the relationship he is forming with his wife.

Whether she likes the woman or not. There is nothing to be gained, and much to be lost, by allowing competition to into the in law relationship. While the mother may not view her behavior as being competitive, the truth is that anything she does to maintain her status as the first woman,” whether consciously or unconsciously, will be viewed by the daughter in law as competition.

 Sometimes completely innocent behavior on the mother’s part will be wrongly interpreted this way. Knowing, this the wise mother will refuse to take offense and will carefully watch her behavior until he daughter-in-law is secure in her position. 

 Five years ago my friend Jane’s son  David married a terrific gal named Liz and on the day of their wedding Jane’s mother in law shared some advice with Jane. She said, that she chose to forget everything she had ever knew about her son and let her daughter in law discover him for herself. As any mother can image that is not easy to do. Is it? Jane and her mother in law are truly friends and enjoy each others company.

 Jane, decided  she wanted to have the same kind of relationship with her daughter in law so she decided to take her mother in laws advice and chose to forget everything she ever knew about her son David and let Liz discover him for herself.” It was a choice that has richly rewarded Jane over and over and over again. She said ,she loves how excited Liz gets when she learns something knew about David and Jane enjoys Liz’s excitement,friendship plus she completely understands why her son loves his wife as much as he does.

A successful relationship with your in-law does not necessarily mean you become best friends. It doesn’t necessarily mean enjoying lunch dates or shopping together like Jane and Liz do. Success is simply determining to live peaceably with her by any means. Success is getting up every morning and determining to leave the past in the past. Whatever your history is with your in-law find a way to make admins and move on.

Success is recognizing that at the center of your conflict is a man you both love, children you both love, and finding a way to make room for each of you to benefit from and express that shared love.
Success is consistently acting in love and letting go of the negative emotions you may have toward your in-law,start refusing to let those emotions color the quality of your life for one more minute.

Your love is like a garden, and unless you tend to it, you’ll never reap the full rewards that love can bring.

 

The Wubbolus World OF Grandmothers

Margaret Mead wrote: “The closet friends I have made all through my life have been people who grew up close to a loved and loving grandmother or grandfather.”

In part, she attributed the strong bond between grandchildren and grandparents to the fact that they are united against a “common enemy” the parents.

 It begins to dawn on new grandmothers before that wonderful bundle of joy is brought home from the hospital that this grandmother business can be much more complicated that they had ever imagined.

 When a baby is born, so is a grandmother and that is the beginning of a new love story fresh from heaven. There is nothing for a grandmother to do except love her grandchildren. As days and months follow grandmothers soon learn they can love their grandchildren fiercely, with a passion that can make them hunger for them when they are out of range.

Grandmothers know that their own children love but can they trust them to baby sit? That is an interesting question, isn’t it? You might assume automatically that all grandparents are natural baby sitters but that is not the case in many families.

 Sometimes grandmothers feel like they are auditioning for the role of the” baby sitter grandmother.” Even though your children love you that doesn’t mean that they can trust you with their new bundle of joy. Does that shock you? After all, you are full of motherly wisdom and all that expertise you gained through your years of motherhood. You know how to hold a new-born properly, you are capable of changing their diaper and you know all the ends and outs of bottle feeding. Wait, wasn’t that stomach-down or is it stomach-up just what Dr. Spock advise? 

A wise grandmother will get rid of her’ ” know it all attitude” and ask her little of bundle from heaven parents how they want their child or children cared for and follow their requests because it’s what is best for your grandchild and if your children are happy with you and trusting you then you will have all the Grandmother time you need and that makes for a happy family. 

However with that being said, I suggest that you learn how to pronounce all the tongue twister words in “The Cat In The Hat” books before your grandchild is born. I am recommending this base on an experience that I had while reading to my oldest grandson when he was three or four. He blurted out to me these words to me ” you can’t read very good”, so I don’t want you to read to me any more.

Needless to say I felt crushed but after thinking about it a few seconds I had to agree with him. At the time I didn’t realize I was trying to read made up words by the author Theodor Geisel known as Dr. Seuss. This kind of unexpected situation is not listed in any grandparenting book, so I decided I better get the word out to other grandmothers, so they can be better prepared because there is nothing we enjoy more than our hugs and our reading time with our grandchildren. Is there?

 If you can’t figure out how to pronounce some of the words in your grandchildren tongue twister books ask one of your seasoned grandmothers chances are they have already been through the ranks and will be more than glade to save you from being crushed when your grandchild tells you not to read to them cause you don’t read so good. Welcome to the Wubbolus World of Grandmothers and The Wubbolous World of Dr. Seuss.

Consecrate Your Relationship

A relationship is always far more than we imagine or expect it to be. It is more than an a living arrangement, more than being together in a social arrangement, more than the bright-colored kite tail of romance.

It is the coming together of two persons whose spirits participate with one another, beautifully and painfully, in the inexorable  process of their individual becoming.

Whether it is clearly visible or not, every relationship has a higher power than itself alone, a meaning that goes beyond the conventions of love and romance, and attaches the two people in it to a destiny that has roots in the past, and wings in the future.

This purpose is to shape us individually into the highest and best versions of ourselves and to change, if only some tiny way, the essential character of the reality we have entered here by being born. To know this is to believe that whatever occurs between you such as the petty dramas and traumas, the life shaping tragedies is honing you for your unique participation in the human stream. It is to accept that the person you love has come into your life for a reason that goes beyond the satisfactions of the moment or even your personal future to reach into the web beyond time.

What you do here together, how well and how beautifully you do it, has implications not only for how cozily you sit together in your rocking chairs in your old age, but also for every other living being. We are all participants in the process of creating a species and a world that hums with  peace and is informed by love. This is our highest heritage, and when we sanctify our relationships, the difficulties and insults they contain will be instantly diminished and what will stand in their place is the overwhelming presence of real love.

Sanctifying your relationship means seeing it not as an act of self-indulgence, but as an offering of love that you deliver up with joy to the fulfilment of its higher meaning. This entails not only an attitude of acceptance but also two behaviors: making speech and keeping silence.

It means verbally acknowledging this higher truth to one another: “Thank you for being the instrument for the  discovery of my purpose,” I know we have come together for an important reason.” I love you for being my way to see the holiness of life.”

 At times it also means keeping the silence in your heart, which is a thanksgiving of this higher purpose,or engaging together in a practice of meditation, which is a walking together in spirit, a prayer that your purpose together is revealed.You love is a stitch in the fabric of the All. To see it as such is to place your relationship in the ultimate perspective and to receive from it the ultimate joy.

We all need the paths of our lives to be marked out so that we can be reminded of the quality of our lives and the beauty of our loves. We dignify and consecrate our relationships when we set them apart from the ordinary ritual. Personal rituals provide a reference not only for the value we place upon our relationships, but also for the value we ask be conferred upon them.

Relationship ceremonies say that, this day is not like all other days, this person is not like all the other people; this love is not like all other loves. Not only in our hearts but also in our actions, we intend it to be a union of meaning, with allegiance to a valuable mission. The consecration of your relationship is a creative and deeply private affair.

Set aside for a special time to acknowledge your union, your wedding anniversary perhaps; choose a specific place to honor it; and create your own private ceremony. Light candles, say words, play music. Consecrating your relationship is the sign. repeated and beautiful, that you choose to view your relationship as holy, as no mistake, and that you intend, through it and with your beloved as your witness, always to live it to the highest of its purpose.

A Few Tips For Brides

By the time the first note of the bridal march is played, thousands of decisions have been made, for better or for worse. Knowing what to do and what not to do can help you to avoid missteps so you can make the most of your perfect day. There are many details involved in making your wedding a success, and careful attention should be paid to all of them, big and small.  Begin by getting an overview of all tasks ahead of you.

Here are a few reminders of what to do and what not to do while on your jounery to the altar.

What Not to Do?

  1.  Do not try to please others by doing your wedding as they suggest. It’s your wedding. Do it your way.
  2. Do not make major decisions with consulting your fiance’ (e).
  3. Do not discuss the details of your budget with other people. Unless they are helping to finance the event, the details are not their concern.
  4. Do not expect service providers to work for unreasonably low prices. Get the best deals you can, but be willing to pay appropriately for people’s time and efforts.
  5. Do not forget that everything will go perfectly. There are bound to be glitches, but you can deal with them.
  6. Do not make spur-of-the moment decisions about anything. Take time to consider everything carefully.
  7. Do not be rigid with your plans. Try to be flexible when possible.
  8. Do not spend so much on the wedding that you enter your new marriage heavily in debt.
  9. Do not make unreasonable demands of all the people helping you make your plans.
  10. Do not use your wedding as a time to highlight and perpetuate family differences.
  11. Do not allow differences of opinion about wedding details to come between you and your fiance’.
  12. Do not neglect your relationship with your fiance’ as you get caught up in planning the wedding.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           What to Do?

  1. Leave enough time to handle all the unexpected details.
  2. Start at the beginning by getting a game plan.
  3. Don’t forget one of the most important things to do, “seek out pre marriage counseling” with a professional that you and your fiance’ trust and rremember that the marriage is the most important thing, not the wedding.
  4. The wedding party is an important feature of the wedding begin to think about who should be part of this select group.
  5. Take advantage of a professional wedding planner if possible. It will take some of the burden off your shoulders, and will leave you time to deal with other details that only you can handle.
  6. Ask professionals who will be helping you how much time they will need to get everything done properly.
  7. Select a date for your wedding that is not already notable for something else.
  8. Choose attendants and other member of the wedding party with care. They will part of your memories of your special day, and will be a part of the photos that you will cherish.
  9. Try to choose outfits that your attendants really can wear latter.
  10. Get details in writing.There is nothing worse than thinking you are getting a particular product or service in one way, and finding out that you are incorrect. Keep receipts for everything you pay in connection to the wedding.
  11. Select some method of keeping all your details organized there are many free wedding web sites that are designed to help you and your wedding party stay organized. Weddingwire.com is an excellent. Many brides still use index cards, and some find a loose leaf notebook system helpful.
  12. List all wedding tasks to be done and assign a due date for each. This will be helpful when meeting with suppliers of goods and services. 
  13. Find out deadlines by which you will have to have particular decisions made and abide by them. Remember they are intended to help you.
  14. Get a master calendar where all activities, plans, and deadlines will be recorded.
  15. Begin to think about what type of service you would like, wha traditions you would like to honor, and what religious elements you would like to include.
  16. Have a back up plan if your wedding is planned for outdoors.
  17. As you begin to think  of whom you will invite, keep a list of extras  that out-of-town guest will need, such as a ride to the rehearsal dinner.
  18. Enlist help ahead of time to help accommodate special needs of guests.
  19. Be ready to bear the cost of extras that you ask your attendants to have, such as professionally applied make-up or perfect manicure.
  20. Check well ahead of the wedding for marriage license requirements.
  21. What to wear?  You can ease the process of dressing everyone appropriately for the ceremony by knowing what your wedding vision is before you even start.
  22. Plan to show your appreciation to members of the wedding party with a gift to help commemorate the occasion.
  23.  Remember you are blending your families,so make sure you remain respectful of your fiance’s suggestions he knows them better than you do.
  24. Send thank-you notes promptly so you do not feel overwhelmed by the task.
  25. Take time to enjoy the journey to the altar. Relax and savor the process.
  26. Begin to develop a budget for your wedding expenses.
  27. Include in the budget honorarium for the minster, musicians, and others who help the ceremony but who are not attendants.
  28. Decide up front who will pay for what.There are traditional guidelines about this, though in recent years they have become more casual they are still an important facet of planning a wedding. 
  29. Consider setting up a wedding gift registry, it helps to take the guess-work out for those who are buying you and your fiance’ gifts.
  30. Remember to tie up the loose ends and finishing with finesse because you are creating a day you will cherish for a lifetime.